New Year

It has been such a delight to enjoy a new life in the family. Little Keighley is thriving and Cammy and James settling in to the full time role of parenting. I tried to keep her overnight with me but that is a delight that I will enjoy sometime in the future, after weaning. Meantime I astound myself with knitting, right now a beautiful little pink jersey with an intricate knitted pattern on the edge is the project I am working on. My mum would be very proud. Even I am proud. But as you know, I intend to be the non-trad granny, evidenced by my title Glam Gran! (GG)

I somehow never grasp that things will continue to become more challenging with Ron, yet they do! Still I wait for a phone call that there's a bed for him. In the meantime, between myself, my wonderful caregivers and the times at respite, we muddle on. This week I hired a very caring and capable lady who will come two or three nights a week and stay up in order to change Ron, redirect him to bed during his nocturnal wonderings. Not unexpectedly, of course, on her first night here, he didn't get up at all. But I can abscond down to Davey's room and rest secure in the knowledge that I am off the hook for the duration. It is a joy even to take a bath in the evening and not be listening with half an ear to hear if he's got out of his bed. Often he's like a toddler with that... needs putting back to bed three or four times before he settles.

As this is the last block of time with Ron at home, I have been very intentional to keep it positive- I am very affectionate, patient and give him a huge amount of attention. I'm not sure where the reserves come from, but I have never snapped or allowed irritation to move from my heart to my mouth. However there are always events and circumstances which make this difficult. I really don't want this time to be tainted by any feelings of resentment, or worse, repellance - ( dealing with dirty nappies, pulled off, smeared on the leg, walked on, on basin and toilet, all at 3 am... I was surprised not to be revulsed, but simply took charge and ran a bath and washed floors etc and got him warm, dry and settled) I could see how if this were to go on for months it would be hard to stay unfluttered for the duration. Then there are heartbreaking moments when I know with clear certainty that it's past time for Ron to be placed... one such moment was when I found him curled in fetal position on Barkley's dog cushion outside my door. My heart broke for him. How very cruel this disease is. It took me a long time to decide on including this incident in the blog, so vulnerable and desperately sad - yet this is the reality of Alzheimer's.

Ron will go again to Respite in Chemainus for a few weeks on Jan 19. I do hope that he remembers it and feels at ease there. They are so good with him. There is of course, the chance that his permanent bed will come available when he's there, in which case there will be a transfer. I just have to trust that whenever it happens, wherever he goes, it's all right. It's out of my hands. I try and remind myself that through all this I do deserve a bit of a life for myself too.