Updates on Ron: Summertime

Well here we are already almost at the solstice- Matty turns 22 today. I know the summer is Ron's favourite as he loves swimming outdoors, and is still easily able to manage it. Makes for a wonderful trip out with the caregivers - far easier than having to fill the time on a dreary winter day.

I took Ron to the mainland and we had a couple of days with my dear friend Lisa at her lake house in Merritt, BC. She is so caring and was thoughtful and compassionate with both of us, just what I needed right now. Though it was too cold to swim, Ron really enjoyed paddling with her and he managed so well with that. However, it was so evident how compromised his understanding is, I think Lisa as shocked - her words to me " It's continual... I don't know how you're going to manage" Stuff like Ron not understanding how to take off his wet swimsuit and put on his dry shorts, not able to do his seatbelt in the back of the car, having trouble putting on sandals, getting very moody because he didn't like our movie, unable to follow simple directions etc. I think for me it put a new light on it, seeing the situation from Lisa's point of view. I am thinking of looking into hiring a live in caregiver in the fall. Will see how it goes.

Also, I met the psychiatrist and a clinician councilor and, after hearing some of the day to day challenges that I face here, they are concerned about the situation and feel I have definitely moved into that grey area between managing fine at home and needing professional care for Ron. There is no way right now that I would want him anywhere but at home - so will do what I can to sustain that. My formula is getting help and taking regular, decent breaks. Speaking of which, in just over a week I go on a long-anticipated boat trip on a canal in France, with my dear friend Jane - this is her 50th birthday gift from Craig, her husband, to have me join them!! It's brilliant, of course I am delighted!

There have been some incredibly wrenching emotional times lately - Ron has had some moments more lucid than he's had in ages. He said to me the other day that I am a wonderful person - a lovely affirmation, though I feel I fall far, far short. Then yesterday, it was awful, on the ferry, when he was battling with the logistics of eating a wrap with a dip, he looked up, his eyes filled with tears, his lip quivering, he said " Why is this happening?" I was filled with such love, tenderness, compassion and deep sadness... I could only stroke his cheek and say " I don't know, it's so very unfair" And told him what a wonderful father and husband he'd been, and how much he meant to us. Then, and this was awful, he said, " What have I done?" - I sensed he felt he was being punished. It is so totally unfair, he is such a good, caring person, this should not be happening. I find it so very difficult to reconcile this with a caring God. Life is not easy!

Well on to cheerful things, let me post some pics from the weekend. See how slim is self? Have been more watchful in anticipation of lolling on a barge in the bikini ( diverting men from France or other parts of Europe?!! ) and in prep for my mid life crisis of turning 50 in August.

Ready for morning coffee